Beyond The Impossible

60,000,000 light-years from Earth

In the shadow of the Uruk Galaxy, the God of Knowledge named Thoth stands in the middle of the arena. He’s currently just ten times taller than a human, but his voice can be heard for miles.

<Contestants and spectators, please take your seats> he says, his words echoing in the four amphitheaters that house gods and mortals from different galaxies.

The Vanguard and its allies have decided to watch the tournament from the building reserved for the Sumerian gods, since none of them showed up and since the Greek audience is mostly composed of people who wish to kill them. Given the size of the arena, everything smaller than Thoth’s current form is too small to be seen: a giant holographic screen serves as a large magnifying glass to those without godly vision.

<By the grace of Inanna, the Goddess of Sex and Violence, let us begin the 197^th challenge of the 54^th Epoch of the 7^th Enlightened Era of Sumer to crown the Strongest Under The Heavens. The defending champion will now approach the arena.>

There are murmurs in the audience as someone from the Greek amphitheater stands up and dramatically descends the building’s steps, walking next to the gods. Most of them look at him with disdain, but a young woman with blond braids and a simple white dress timidly waves at him.

<Good luck, husband> Hebe says; her hand is grasped with force by the blue-haired woman sitting next to her, hard enough to hurt the Goddess of Youth.

<Don’t acknowledge that brute. If we are really lucky, he’ll be the one to die> Hera scolds her.

On the other side of the arena, the hologram zooms in to focus on the man walking towards Thoth: he’s shirtless, tanned, with a thick beard and as many muscles as humanly possible.

<I’ll take a wild guess and say that’s Hercules> Quantum whispers to Noriko Null, who is sitting next to him; when she doesn’t respond, keeping her eyes on the screen with her mouth half open, he gently shakes her shoulder to get her attention.

<Hey! Everything okay?> he asks.

<What? Oh! Nothing> Noriko answers, snapping out of it and crossing her legs pretending to have completely lost interest in the demigod.

<Daddy, why are the human females salivating more than usual? Daddy?> the young Lesion asks Torn, pointing at Noriko and the two Kari. Her father, however, is entirely focused on the red skinned demon woman sitting behind the Greek gods.

<Herakles, God of Strength, you shall now face the opponent selected by Rhea, Queen of the Universe> Thoth declares.

<Let us hope Tyche does her job, or this will be a short tournament for all of you> Ulysses says.

<Isn’t manipulating the draw considered cheating?> Lily asks him.

<The purpose of the contest is to determine the strongest; even if someone picks weaker opponents, eventually they will face the strongest contestant anyway. Thoth will allow it> he explains.

In the amphitheater she shares with Inanna, Rhea puts her hand in a glass bowl containing hundred of copies of the same fifteen coins. She should pick one at random, but the probabilities dancing around her fingers obey Tyche’s command over luck.

<The next contestant has been chosen by Rhea. Dionysus, God of Debauchery, may approach the arena.>

Over the marble steps of the Greek audience, a man wearing a toga stained with wine and surrounded by a dozen empty bottles  burps as he turns in his sleep.

<Dionysus, God of Debauchery, please approach the arena> Thoth repeats.

<Alright, I’m up okay?> the god responds, standing up and yawning loudly. He moves towards Tyche, stumbling and falling in her lap.

<How ‘bout a kiss, love? For luck ‘n stuff?> he asks, slurring his words and groping his wife.

<Dionysus, please, gods are watching> she whispers, trying to keep his hands away while giving him a peck on the cheek as quickly as she can. He smiles, and in the blink of an eye he’s in front of Herakles and already drinking from another bottle.

<Interesting. In picking her own husband as a contestant, Tyche wants to signal to us that she’s got our back> Null thinks out loud.

<That’s a good thing, right? Right?> Kari asks, without receiving a response by a pensive Null.

<Now declare the prize you wish to claim in this tournament, Herakles> Thoth continues.

<Verily, mine own dearest Egyptian, the lady’s promise is idle to me, for Herakles canst vanquish any foe or conquer any maiden’s heart. Verily, when Herakles emerges as this tournament’s sole victor, I shall merely ask for that which I already possess: the eternal love of my beloved wife.>

<Why does he talk like that?> Noriko wonders.

<He’s only half god. He can’t automatically be understood by mortals like we can> Vesta answers.

<That just raises even more questions…>

<Dionysus, what is your wish?>

<I wish for another drink> the god answers, shaking the bottle to drink the last few drops.

<Invalid wish. Select someone to be killed or to be loved.>

<Oh. ‘kay. Kill Elyth… Eleth… y’know, that one> he finally answers, after failing to pronounce the name, and pointing his finger at one goddess in the audience… Ilithyia.

The Goddess of Childbirth, sitting next to her mother Hera, doesn’t seem worried. However Hera stares at Tyche and asks her sternly:

<Did you ask your husband to wish for the death of my daughter, Tyche?>

<Of course not, my queen. My husband is quite evidently drunk, is he not?>

<The stakes are decided, until defeat or death. Herakles versus Dionysus. FIGHT!!!>

Thoth vanishes from sight, leaving the two opponents alone. Herakles takes the first step towards Dionysus, who is stumbling around and looks like he’s about to fall on his own.

<Fear not, half-brother: verily, we shall feast together after mine own victory.>

<How ‘bout after mine?> Dionysus responds, throwing an empty bottle at Herakles. The demigod swats it away like an annoying fly, causing it to explode into a dense purple mist.

<What is this? Why doth thee waste…> Herakles complains, before finding himself surrounded by a mass of rapidly growing vines. In seconds they grow to the size of an apartment, completely covering and immobilizing him. It grows several thorns and spikes, together with a simple branch that grows towards Dionysus to deliver a bunch of grapes in his hand.

<I like you, Herk. Let’s end this and go for drinks, ‘kay?>

<NAY!!!> Herakles shouts, tearing through the vines like they were cardboard and advancing towards Dionysus. The wine god watches him get closer, munching one grape after the other like they were popcorn.

<Never shall the God of Strength relent! Thee hath heard the Egyptian bird-god! Fight me!>

<Ugh, I’d rather not> Dionysus whines, ready to get a few other grapes until Herakles swats his hand to make him drop them.

<You… you just made me WASTE MY FOOD!!!> Dionysus suddenly snaps, yelling at Herakles and trying to slap him. Herakles stops him by using his left hand to grab the wrist of Dionysus, but there was enough force in the wine god’s attempt that the wind it generates reaches the audience.

<Thou only knowest the pleasures of godhood, Dionysus. I shall show thee the measure of a real god> Herakles says, throwing an uppercut right at his opponent’s jaw.

The entire arena shakes, as if it was just hit by a powerful earthquake. It’s enough to distract the mortal audience and even to disrupt the holographic screen for a few seconds; when everybody is able to collect himself, it shows something disturbing: Dionysus struggling to stay on his feet… after his head has been severed.

<Holy s##t, did he just decapitate him!?> Null exclaims.

<I had to destroy a whole moon to knock him out!!! Herakles just killed him with one punch!?!?> Quantum asks, possibly even more disturbed than her.

<Don’t be so sure>  Ulysses tells him, pointing at the object falling down to the arena and landing right in the hands of Herakles… the severed head of Dionysus.

<Well, friend of mine? Dost thou surrender?> Herakles asks.

<I really need a drink> the severed head answers, while the rest of the body of Dionysus falls.

<Dionysus is no longer able to fight. The winner is Herakles, God of Strength> Thoth clarifies, becoming visible again. Herakles nods politely towards him and walks back to the stands, carrying the severed head with one hand while dragging the body of Dionysus with the other.

<Boo! You suck, limp-di##ed s##thead!> Persephone yells from the audience.

<This Herakles seems to be the favorite. His wish is pretty harmless, perhaps we should try to advantage him in some way> Voron tells Null.

<We’ll see. I don’t think we’re allowed to throw a fight> she answers.

<Rhea, Queen of the Universe, shall now select the next opponents> Thoth declares, as if nothing happened. Rhea holds her hand over the bowl, disintegrates the remaining metals with the symbol of Dionysus, and picks up another medal. As the God of Knowledge, Thoth knows what she picked before she has to announce it in any way.

<Ilithyia’s chosen representative has been selected. Circe, Goddess of Magic, approach the arena.>

<Brilliant choice. Ilithyia is smarter than I thought> Ulysses says.

<The pig-fu##er? Really!? Pick me, you c##t, I want to fight!!!> Persephone protests.

<Circe is the illegitimate daughter of Helios; if she dies during the tournament, it’s one less trouble for his latest wife Ilithyia. If Tyche knows what she’s doing, she’ll want Circe to advance and she’ll choose someone who doesn’t have a chance against her> Ulysses continues.

<The next contestant has been chosen by Inanna. Quantum, Hero of Earth, may approach the arena.>

<What? Me!?> Quantum asks, completely taken by surprise.

<Don’t worry. You’ve got this> Lily tells him, holding his hand.

<Right. Just don’t get transformed into a pig, she loves that move> Vesta suggests.

<But I didn’t think about the wish, I didn’t know we had to reveal it right now! What should I wish?>

<Kill Pain> Torn immediately tells him.

<Kill Ares.> Vesta says at the same time.

<Kill one of my duplicates> Kari answers, receiving several confused stares.

<What? I have hundreds of them! I can lose one!> she shrugs.

<I don’t know… I don’t think I can kill one of the contestants, and killing a duplicate sounds like a waste… what do you think, Noriko? Should I go with Ares? What’s your wish?> Quantum asks.

<It’s too early to tell. Can we change the wish later?> Noriko asks Vesta.

<Yes, only the wish before the final battle is binding, the others are for motivation> she explains.

<Got it> Quantum nods, disappearing into a flash of light.

<What are you going to wish for?> Voron asks Noriko.

<Wouldn’t you like to know> she comments, still refusing to reveal her wish.

He reappears in flesh and blood in front of Thoth, realizing how tall he is. He looks around to search for his opponent, but all he can see is a dove flying around the Egyptian god. Until the bird suddenly transforms: in the blink of an eye, it’s replaced by a woman.

<I rather like this one> she says. Quantum studies her: a beautiful brunette with piercing blue eyes; she adjusts her brown curls and the skirt of her relatively modest red and white dress, then she rolls up its very large sleeves.

<Particle shapeshift, isn’t it? That’s a new one. You’ll make for a cute dog, or maybe a horse.>

<Now declare the prize you wish to claim in this tournament. Circe?>

<In the name of my father Helios, I wish for the death of Apollo.>

<Quantum, what is your wish?>

<I have a question about that. What are the limitations on the love wish?>

<You must select someone alive and susceptible to Inanna’s power over lust and sexuality.>

<Any limitations on the number of people I can select?>

Thoth tilts his bird-like head: the God of Knowledge has just been stumped.

<That question has never been asked in any tournament. Express your wish and I will judge.>

<Can I wish for Ilithyia to love both Apollo and Ares? That way she won’t get into war with either, and neither of them will love her back. With no competition they won’t have a reason to go to war with each other, right?>

<You can’t possibly be serious!> Circe protests.

<Your wish is allowed, Quantum. Is that what you will be fighting for?>

<Yep.>

<The stakes are decided, until defeat or death. Circe versus Quantum. FIGHT!!!>

<You are so dead> Circe threatens Quantum, and her hands begin to shine with magic.