90,000 light-years from Earth
Being stuck on a ship surrounded only by gorgeous women isn’t the paradise that Max Black imagined, in no small part because all modern Amazons are androids.
Without his powers, he doesn’t have any chance to escape on his own: the bruises on his face are proof enough that even the most frail-looking Amazons are ten times stronger than him.
<Hurry up, the General doesn’t have all day!> one of the guards tells him, stinging his backside with the pointy end of her spear.
Once they reach the destination, she uses the other end to hit him on the back of his knee, forcing him to kneel before the throne at the center of the bridge.
Ganos Lal is also there: just like him, the Supreme Pontiff of the Church of Null is handcuffed and has her own Amazon guard.
<General Dioxippe. We are ready to deliver the test subjects.>
<Great, just let me talk to your Queen first, okay? We are…> Max tries to make his case, but he’s cut short when the Amazon uses the spear to release a painful jolt of electricity.
<You were not given permission to speak!!!>
<At ease, soldier. We have received new orders; the prisoners are to be kept alive. The new moon is ready.> the General clarifies, looking at the viewscreen.
Only now Max notices that the ship isn’t really approaching the planet, but the moon orbiting it. A moon that, according to the previous visit from the Vanguard, shouldn’t be there.
<You built a moon!?> he exclaims. The guard is ready to hit him again, but the General gestures to let it slide.
<You didn’t really think we would let a man set foot on Themiscyra, prisoner? We built a new facility for the likes of you. Rest assured, however, that you will still contribute to the creation of the greatest generation of Amazons the universe has ever seen.>
Max has a thousand questions for the General, but they are cut short as he’s teleported away.
Tanais, moon of Themiscyra
The laboratory is sterile and extremely utilitarian, as all Amazon buildings are. When Max is teleported inside, it takes a while to understand what’s going on as he’s immediately surrounded by five different women in white clothes. One of them speaks extremely rapidly, as the others poke at him from all sides with various instruments.
<Test Subject #3 delivered. Taking measurements, retina and brain scans, blood sample, sweat sample, how’s your bladder? I specifically asked for a full bladder, do they think I have time to waste? Who hit you, did they record the fight? This is lost data, that’s absolutely unscientific!> she says in about two seconds, touching Max’s face to inspect the bruise.
<Slow down! What’s going on!?> he protests, reassured about his safety by the fact that the scientist immediately removes his handcuffs.
<Come this way, I’ll get you something to drink and complete the examination.> she says, practically shoving him to the nearest hallway.
They have to walk very carefully because nearly the entire floor is filled with heavily damaged Amazons in full battle armor. None of them is functioning: many are missing limbs, or have their circuitry exposed. Several are missing the head or have been cut in half.
<Sorry about the mess! We’re a little understaffed. You’ll have to share the room with Test Subject #2.> she says, leading him to what is unmistakably a prison cell.
<Quantum!?> a familiar voice asks; it’s from a man with long blue hair.
<Kiros? What are you doing here?> Max asks; Kari’s husband is the last person he expected to see here. There are minor cuts on his face, but he looks perfectly fine.
<We are using Test Subject #2 to increase our knowledge of Drylon technology, the same thing we’ll do with you. I’ll be right back with that water! I have to do everything around here!> the scientist complains, leaving the prison cell. She doesn’t even bother to close the entrance.
<Don’t even think about it; there’s no way off this place. I suppose they’ve locked your powers?>
<They didn’t need to, I lost them. What about you, Kiros? Can you still duplicate?>
<For all the good it takes. They put me in the arena between tests, but they’ve stopped doing that once they got past Model 3 I think.>
<Kiros… just imagine for a moment that I have no freaking idea of what’s going on.>
<They’re using us to build better Amazons. It took me a hundred duplicates to defeat Model 1 and a thousand for Model 2. I couldn’t get beat Model 3 no matter what I did.>
<Then what’s up with all the thrashed Amazons I saw out there?>
<That’s Torn. Last time anybody told me anything, he was up against Model 75.>
<Torn’s here too? And the others?>
<Kari and my daughters are on Themiscyra, but they wouldn’t tell me anything else. I guessed they used what they learned from my body and Kari’s to track your connection to Drylon tech.>
<What about Noriko and Vesta?>
<I haven’t heard anything about Vesta, but they say Null is dead.>
<They say a lot of crap. Listen, Kiros, we have to get to Torn: he’s the only one who can take us to the planet to rescue the girls. Do you know where the Amazons keep their weapons?>
<I tried to attack them, but they’re immune from their own weapons.>
<I don’t plan to use them on the Amazons. I need them for myself.> Max replies, holding up his hand: as he snaps his fingers, there’s a light spark of electricity between them.
<Turns out I can still absorb energy; I’ll have to thank that soldier if I get the…>
<Wait, didn’t you say you lost your powers? How long ago was that?> Kiros interrupts him.
<A few weeks ago.>
<And you didn’t try absorbing energy until now!?>
<Look, I don’t exactly go around trying to electrocute myself, alright!?>
Bridge of the Swift Messenger, 2.6 million light-years from Earth
The Stygian Galaxy, better known as the Underworld, is now too large to be seen on the viewscreen. Nearly all the passengers have gathered to appreciate the result of the long voyage. Kylon is on the captain’s chair, with Amaterasu and Lily Elosia at his side
Jane Blake, Shinobu Tanaka, Bob Null and Dr. Kalama and Lily Elosia. The only absentees are Nalani who is sleeping, Asclepius who is attending to the comatose Vector, and Lily’s daughters who are on duty in engineering.
<I can’t believe we actually made it.> Jane comments.
<It’s not over yet. First we have to find this galaxy’s capital.> Kylon adds.
<How far is it?> Shinobu asks.
<Nobody knows. There’s no map of the Underworld because, well, nobody has ever come back from it alive.> Lily answers.
<I’m running a scan for the most populated planet. Hades is probably there.> Kylon says.
<Wouldn’t it make sense to look for the least populated?> Bob asks.
Everybody turns towards him, without saying anything.
<You know, with him being the god of death and all.> he adds.
<God of the underworld.> Lily corrects him.
<What’s the difference? It’s all dead people anyway.> Bob shrugs.
<We might have a problem. Obviously I can’t scan for life at this distance, but… I’m not picking up any signs of interstellar travel. Either Hades prohibited the use of ships or…> Kylon guesses.
<Or this is a dead galaxy.> Jane adds, suddenly feeling very cold.
<Not entirely. Somebody is coming towards us.> Amaterasu reveals.
A little later, the bridge’s temperature drops considerably as a dark cloud manifests itself among them… and then someone, something steps out of it.
Wearing a dark cloak, it’s a skeleton with burning flames instead of eyes.
Everybody is too shocked to say a single word. They stare at the skeleton, who in turn is just looking around, slightly hunched over. And finally, after what feels like forever, it speaks.
<Tickets, please.>
The bridge is so silent that you could conceivably hear the pounding heartbeats of the humans.
<A-ehm. I said tickets, please.> the skeleton repeats, after clearing its nonexistent throat.
<We are… we are representatives from the Olympian Galaxy who…> Kylon starts to explain.
<Come on, man, it’s been a long day. Don’t make things difficult.> the skeleton interrupts him.
<I’m sorry, we are… a long way from home. We just need to talk to Hades.> Dr. Kalama says.
<Are you Hades?> Amaterasu asks the skeleton.
<Seriously? We have to do this again? Every damned millennium…> the skeleton sighs, searching through the pockets inside his cloak until he finds a crumbled piece of paper. He reads from it with an immensely bored tone:
<Abandon all hope, you who enter here. Through me is the way to eternal pain, through me is the way to something something, through me is the way to… look this goes on for a few paragraphs, just pay the ticket and we can skip the whole thing, okay?>
<We don’t know what you’re talking about.> Kylon reiterates.
<You people do know that this is the Underworld, right?> the skeleton asks.
<Of course we do.>
<Well none of you looks dead to me, so if you want to get to the Underworld, you need a ticket.>
<Oh I got it! You’re Charon, aren’t you? The ferryman of the dead!> Bob exclaims, proud that him researching Greek mythology after his daughter’s work has led to something.
<Immigration and Customs Enforcement Officer, please. We don’t just let anybody get to the Underworld! If you want to cross the border, you need a ticket.>
<And how do we get one of these?> Kylon asks.
<Sacrifice ten million oxen to the name of Hades.>
<We already did that.> Bob answers.
<We did!?> Amaterasu exclaims.
<Excellent! I just need to see a certificate signed by an Olympian god.>
<We, uhm, we were in a bit of a hurry, so…>
<You don’t have a ticket. Why do mortals keep wasting my time!?>
<There has to be another way to get to the Underworld!> Lily insists.
<I don’t suppose you have a passport released from a vassal of the Nine Gods?>
<Nope.> Bob admits.
<Well then the only way I’m allowed to let you through is if you pay a small fee.>
<What kind of fee?>
<One golden coin.> the skeleton answers, for once using a very serious tone.
<That’s it!? And you complain about wasting time!?> Shinobu exclaims, hurriedly taking a 10,000 yen banknote from his pocket and handing it over to the skeleton.
Charon examines it, hunching over the piece of paper to look at it with his fiery eyes, and asks:
<Seriously, man? What am I supposed to do with this?>
The skeleton shakes his head as he watches the mortals look into their pockets to recover every single dollar and cent they can find. And none of it is made of gold.
<You people are just determined to annoy me, right? I said a golden coin! There’s no gold here!>
<Uhm, guys, I guess the Underworld is still running under the gold standard.> Lily explains.
<Unless I see a golden coin, I’m not letting anyone get past me.> Charon insists.
<There’s still another option.> Shinobu adds, unsheathing his sword and pointing it at the skeleton.
Charon just stares at him. And he sighs once more.
<Look can’t you people just go back home and wait a few years until you die? You have no idea of the amount of forms I have to fill if I have to ferry dead people away from the Underworld. Unless… hey, you’re a goddess right? Would you mind threatening me?> Charon asks Amaterasu.
<What, you mean like this?> she asks, creating a sword made of pure solar plasma and pointing it at the skeleton. If he could, Charon would be smiling right now.
<Fantastic! An attack from a god makes this a diplomatic incident, which is just perfect because you know what this means? That it’s no longer under my responsibility! Oh, you have no idea how much extra time you spared me, thank you SO much. Have a nice death!>
Charon waves them goodbye with his skeletal hand, disappearing into a cloud of pitch black smoke.
There are many exchanged of confused looks until Jane asks the question on everyone’s mind:
<What the heck was that about!?>
The answer comes from the blindingly bright explosion of green energy right outside the ship. The mortals cover their eyes, but they don’t have to wait for their vision to return to understand what just happened once they hear a shrill voice:
<What the f##k are you s##theads doing in my f##king galaxy!?> Persephone shouts.
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